10 Irritating Things When You’ve Been on Facebook Forever

This was my first Facebook post, crying out for sympathy, yearning to be heard:

No likes, no comments.

A week and a day later, I am heard! My sister posts:

But oh, how things have changed in these last eight years, two months, and twenty-five days!

I was an early adopter of Facebook, fleeing from the pre-teen infested convulsion-inducing flashing backgrounds, no-security cesspool of MySpace. Facebook was comfortable. Clean. Exclusive. I had to log in with an official University e-mail address. And there were no ads. Remember when…?

But now that the entire world (and possibly several other planets) have joined THE social network, there are certain things that stick in my craw. I know, you’re like.. NOT JENNIFER! She doesn’t complain. WOT.

So in true FB fashion, here are…

10 THINGS THAT ARE COMPLETELY IRRITATING WHEN YOU’VE BEEN ON FACEBOOK FOR 8 YEARS

1. I’m Leaving Facebook posts. The reasons include addiction, being offended, or it’s too much of a timesuck. Whatevs. You’ll be back in a month.

2. #Hashtags. Did you know that hashtag links were invented so that a reader could click it and automatically search for other related posts? Somehow this concept has gone AWOL. And seriously, #Blessed?

3. Food, Spiders, and Gross Toenails. I really don’t care about that gazillion calorie thing that’s going to be ingested at Bonzo’s Bacon Brewery. I don’t want (nor can I identify) what gargantuan arachnid is on your bed or the species of fungus that has infested that toenail. Stop posting and call the doctor/exterminator. NOW.

4. TIMEHOP or FB FLASHBACK posts. There’s enough crap on FB, don’t make us read it again.

5. Babies and Children. Times a gazillion. Yes, that child is the most #blessed event of all eternity. But he/she will never be as adorable/smart/gorgeous as mine. Period.

6. The News. I used to be able to avoid watching the news up and until Facebook. Never tuned in, never got a paper. Now I can’t avoid it. The stories are in my face, and I get the bonus of everyone’s commentary and personal stance on the issues. Which brings me to…

7. Election years. I really like you in person, but if you post one more FOX NEWS story…

8. Vacations. The equivalent to vacation slides in Don Draper’s day, or vacation home movies in my day. Those #Blessed vacation photos in #Blessed paradise, #Blessed with the sunset, drinking #Blessed margaritas while we’re all

9. That Meme that [Facebook Newbie] just found which we’ve all seen a gazillion times since 2007.

10. TIMEHOP or FB FLASHBACK posts. There’s enough crap on FB, don’t make us read it again. SeeWhatIDidThere?

 

OKAY, JENNIFER, SO WHAT DO YOU DO TO MAKE FACEBOOK A BETTER PLACE?

1. Quit my bitchin’. I try not to complain and post negative stuff. Keyword: TRY!

2. Go back and delete. Just because I felt like something one day does not mean I want it online in perpetuity. I regularly go back and delete my posts.

3. Create serial educational posts. One year it was #VintageHotties (ok, not so educational, but fun). The next was #LesserKnownArtists and now it is #ChixStory (women in history). P.S. that’s how to use a hashtag – to link to previous related posts.

4. Support others. LIKE their accomplishments. REPOST their accomplishments. Life is awesome and people like to be noticed and acknowledged. Otherwise they wouldn’t be on Facebook. That’s why, yes, I’ll still wish everyone a happy birthday after the umpteenth time.

5. Post cute animal pictures and videos. Because animals make the world a better place and they should be worshipped.